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Inhibited
Sexual Desire (ISD) has become a very common problem in our
society . There are many reasons why some people develop aversions
to being sexual. While most people think that our sex drive
is a natural instinct and a biological fact, the lack of desire
is often learned. Very early on we are told not to touch ourselves
and are given the message that sex is 'dirty.' When negative
sexual messages remain strongly imprinted,
the subconscious mind can stop the natural sexual response and
a mind/body conflict about sexuality is created. The mechanisms
that excite or diminish a person's sexual interest are as individualistic
as a fingerprint. Therefore, it's clear there are a large variety
of causes.
Some people report a lifelong pattern of low or no desire. Some
even fear engaging in sexual activity. An intensive sex history
during sex therapy often reveals that when childhood sex play
was not engaged in (i.e. playing doctor) and erotic feeling
or fantasies are not remembered, there has been repression or
early sexual inhibition. A lack of desire may result from a
traumatic experience, deep religious sexual conduct restraints,
guilt, and shame. If ISD comes about after one has had desire,
causation might be performance anxiety, fear of failure, anger,
resentment or hostility towards a partner, depression, alcohol
or drug abuse, some medication, health concerns, low testosterone
levels in both male and female, excessive fatigue or stress,
or lack of physical attractiveness of self or partner.
Some people suffer from low sexual desire because they are bored
and lack the capacity for play and experimentation, Ambitious,
overly involved task-oriented high achievers are often found
in this category. Sexual activity involves a display of emotion,
which may be difficult for some people to engage in. Close bodily
contact with bodily fluids and odors might be unpleasant enough
for some to cause inhibition of the sex drive. Sexual shutdown
, repression or denial of sexual feelings can also be a reaction
to fears that sexual thoughts are inappropriate or unnatural.
Realizing that sex between two consenting adults does not censure
any sexual activity can help to overcome this. Some with ISD
might even be suppressing an orientation toward being gay by
involving themselves in heterosexual relationships that may
do nothing to arouse them. Without realizing it, many fear the
temporary loss of control, ego, identity, appearance, and boundaries
that an uninhibited sexual experience can feel like , thereby
cutting themselves off from the intense and deeply satisfying
sense of being swept along on a wave of pleasure. They might
do this by overly tensing their bodies and/or hold or controlling
their breathing. Once inhibiting responses become habitual,
breath holding and excessive tensions, which stop movement,
can become a permanent part of a person's sexual pattern. Wilhelm
Reich called his " Muscular Armoring."
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ISD often occurs from unrealistic expectations that arise from
the media, romance novels and movies causing irrational disappointments
about sexual skills. Many go through the act of making love,
but remain unfulfilled and let down. They might ask themselves,
"Is that all there is?" Having sex for the wrong reasons,
such as fear of being abandoned by a partner or fear of saying
no, can create sexual frustration and lowered sex drive. This
can cause diminished contentment, lowered self-esteem and even
threaten the relationship. Additional causes are fear of disease
and pregnancy, playing the number game about sexual frequency
and hygienic problems.
To overcome ISD, tiredness, stress, anxiety and anger must be
dealt with. Emotional clutter can kill passion. Sexual interaction
should not be preoccupied with goals such as techniques or achieving
orgasm. Relaxation,closeness and pleasure should be the only
goals. Inhibitions can be overcome by restructuring sexual attitudes,
engaging in different types of sexual activities and letting
go to allow natural responses to come out.
Some generic suggestions to create desire are sensory awareness
techniques such as viewing sensual and sexual materials and
self-exploration , becoming aware of turn-ons and turn-offs
and relating this to a partner, relaxed non-demand sensual activities
such as touching,kissing, hugging, caressing and massage without
the pressure of having it lead to any further sexual activity.
Fantasizing during sexual activity helps to close the mind to
the inhibiting factors that cause ISD.
Today's sexual knowledge is actually limited and superficial.
Most people in our society still equate sex as only intercourse,
not realizing the complexity of sexual behavior. Sexual activity
encompasses the person's entire body and mind and to be satisfactorily
fulfilled, both need to be involved.
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